Getting a Credit Card

Is HARD!!!!! I don't qualify at all...I hear all about how almost anyone can get a card, but I can't. How messed up is that?!

Lost: My Apartment

So, I haven't posted in a while, and I thought I'd give you all an update. I have officially lost my apartment. The tenth I came home from a camping trip and there was an eviction notice taped to my door. Not surprizing, seeing as I've been unable to pay on time every month, but stressful nonetheless. Caelin is potty training at 15 months, and I am worried the change will hurt his progress. I am worried we won't be able to find a new home as soon as we wanted. Like, now.

We are selling our TV, our fishtank, and can't get ahold of the apartments that are income-based that we originally wanted. I am so worried. We will probably end up in a shelter, and Scott may end up moving out of state for a while so he can find a job.

2 Corinthians 4:8-10

"We are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed"

Primal Mommies

WOW! I have found a blog I LOVE! It's called primal mommies, and you should totally check it out!

Here's the link:


2 Corinthians 4:8-10

"We are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed"

Caelin's Birth

This is the room that I delivered my son in. It's the room that brought his father and me together as a family. Here is where my water broke, my contractions deepened, and my little boy brought into the world surrounded by loving and caring people, who supported me in my need to birth traditionally, safely. This is one room in the Bella Vie Gentle Birth Center.

When I first became pregnant with my son, I knew I wanted a safe, natural birth. I was strongly drawn to the idea of a water birth, but had only one option in delivering, Salem Hospital. I was told that I would probably receive a C-section, due to the apparent large size of my baby. Caelin's due date was only three weeks away when I heard of Bella Vie through a breastfeeding advocate through WIC. Certain that they wouldn't accept the potential risk that I was, I was even hesitant to try them out, but went to visit and see what I could accomplish. Amazingly, Desiree agreed to take me. She told me there were things that I needed to do, but when it came down to the wire, she told me that she was comfortable with the risks and was willing to do it. This culminated days before my labor began. I went into labor, and was amazed that I was allowed to leave and walk as much as I wanted. I was truly delivering this baby on my own.

As my labor progressed, everyone was amazing. Without any pain or undue discomfort, I progressed through my labor, until my water released at 10 cm. I had yet to be checked. Immediately I started to push. I was worried, thinking I shouldn't, but everyone assured me that it was okay. The contraction overwhelmed me, and I almost gave up. But I didn't. I delivered Caelin at almost midnight, May 13, 2008. It was an amazing experience. I would recomend that anyone delivering a child go there. It was a beautiful, life changing happening in our lives.


2 Corinthians 4:8-10

"We are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed"

Caelin is Growing Up

Caelin has turned one year old now, and really displaying it. He wants what he wants, when he wants it. He wants anything I have or am doing. He's officially a toddler.

He is also really, really cute. Every day that goes by I just think of how lucky I am to have him, healthy and sane and so so smart. I love my baby!


2 Corinthians 4:8-10

"We are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed"

H.U.G.S.

HUGS is a non profit orginazatioon dedicated to helping out mothers of disaster as well as spreading the baby wearing concept here. Their slings are ony twenty dollars and very pretty. All proceed go toward buying new slings for the victims of disaster.

2 Corinthians 4:8-10

"We are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed"

Richard Garner

I have found this amazing blog that I just had to share with all of you (if anyone reads this) richardtgarner.blogspot.com is kind and sweet and has good veiws on the Jon and Kate plus 8, for instance. Go there and read. Revel in the prayers and the positive feelings eminating from the posts. Do it. Do it now.

2 Corinthians 4:8-10

"We are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed"

Hanging Laundry to Dry

Hang drying clothes is an easy and inexpensive way to save money on your electric bill and help out the enviroment. All it takes is a clothes line and pins or a clothes horse. I don't know much about using a clothes horse, but I do know that hanging cloths outside can be a fun thing to do and is definately more "involvd" than using a dryer. It can allow you the time you need for yourself, or give you something to do outside while your children are playing.

After you are done washing your clothes, either by hand or in the washing machine, you carry them outside and begin the process of hangng them out.
Some pointers:

1. Hang your shirts by the hem, not the sleeves, this will keep the shoulders from having that "pointy" look.

2. Pants hang best by the legs.

3. Rags, cloth diapers, and socks can all be folded in half. This reduces the need for pins and can save them for the bigger items.

4. Blankets and towels are probably the hardest to dry, but if you have some place you can kinda open them up for the hanging process it really helps.

Have fun and continue learning about ways that you can become more self-sufficient! Enjoy!
(Disclaimer: now I love to hang laundry, but as a kid, it was my least favorite chore, after dishes)


2 Corinthians 4:8-10

"We are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed"

Hand Washing Clothes

I have been handwashing my own clothes for about a week now, and have had pretty good results. For some people, handwashin is merely a way to experiment, or to feel better about the way they are living. For me, it is mostly about money. You see, my apartment doesn't have a washer and dryer, and I would need to take my clothes to the laundrymat. To do that, I would need quarters. I don't even have pennies right now. So I began to fill up my bathtub each morning with the equivalant of two loads of laundry, wash, rinse, rinse, and hang out to dry. Yes, that's two rinses, not a typo. I can't stand the thought of having soap or dirt left in my clothes.

I use cold to lukewarm water, to keep the electricity down, and my regular liquid laundry soap. I like liquid because I don't have to desolve it, but I'm sure a well desolved powder would work just as well.

I fill up the bathtub enough so that I can freely smush laundry around, and will swish and knead with my hands and stomp and dance with my feet. I wash, drain the bathtub, fill it up, rinse, drain (squeezing all the water out) and rinse again. I then take it outside and (squeezing as much water out as I can) hang them to dry in the sun and wind.

It takes about a day to dry it, if the weathers nice.
Ayways, I thought I'd throw out that information just in case anyone else would like to have a go. Just remember, you will be amazed at how hard the work is, but it gets easier really fast. Just push through the pain, girlfriend!

2 Corinthians 4:8-10

"We are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed"

Dressing Girls as Sluts

We as parents need to be very careful anymore to watch what our children are around and how they dress.


2 Corinthians 4:8-10

"We are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed"

Caelin and Daddy Having a Good Time

Caelin and Scott were hving the time of their lives here. Caelin is over-tired, so torward the end he gets really cranky. This is right after Caelin's first birthday. 2 Corinthians 4:8-10 "We are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed"

Urban Homsteading

I have been practicing something that I only thought of as doing what I could, what I had to. It had no name in my head. I thought of the things that I was doing as stewardship, as lowering my own bills, and of trying to get back to my own roots. I have struggled with the thought that I cannot move out of the city, I cannot move and live where I would like.
I have found a name for what I have tryed to practice. It's called Urbam Homesteading. Most people have some land, I do not. Yet I have been able to clain a small amount of footage for a victory garden. I have strung up a clothes line on my balcony, allowing me, if I am careful, to hang more than two loads. I wash my clothes in my bathtub. I save electricity this way, and use my own muscle to clean my families clothing. My husband and I bike everywhere. It saves money. No car payments, no insureance payments, no gas. It lowers pollution and allows our world to remain that much healthier.

I would like to raise rabbits for food and fertilization for my garden. I would like to have some chickens, for eggs, and the occasoinal dinner hen. I would like to have goats for milk, and weed control on the land I would like to have. I'd like a donkey. I can't do any of this. I don't have thhe money to get my own home, and my husband recently lost his job. I don't have anything I would need in order to fufil any of these things. However, I DO have my brain, and my body. I have the internet and I can think that I can do my best. I like to think that we can still call back our original calling, that is, mto be stewards of the earth. People in the city have the same God given responsibility as anyone in the country, that is, to take care of and love the earth as God's own creation.


2 Corinthians 4:8-10

"We are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed"

Adoption: A Birth Mother's Perspective

I finally got in contact with my daughter. She is adopted by a family in Pendeton and is doing great. But I may not be as much. Every time I think that I am learnin to accept the fact that she is gone, and at the same time she is both my daugher and yet is not, something happens to throw me for a complete tailspin. Last night I talked to her on the phone, and the feelings inside me were rampant. I don't think I've every experienced such extreme jealousy. Every thing I heard things she's doing, evry time I was reminded that she is no longer my daughter, ters welled up inside of me and I just wanted to cry. I did cry. Big, massive, tears of loss and pain and anger over what could've been and yet never will be.

I try to be thankful for what I have, I try to remember that this was my choice. But I never wanted it for me. I wanted it for her. The choices I made because I wanted her to be safe. I wanted her to be happy and I felt like she needed to not lose another family again. I felt scared, what if I became abusive towards her? What if I followed in the parenting I was taght? I didn't want that and decided I wasn't ready for another bby. I couldn't have a child in good consience. But I loved her so much, and it kills me to think that she is never going to be my daughter. She won't feel like I'm her mom, because I'm not the one she goes to when she's hurt. I'm not the one who cares for in her times of illness.

In a way, my son is now the joy of my life. He is beatiful, fun loving, and a total ham. And when I think about her, I get kinda lost inside. I feel guilty because my son deservres me to love him for himself, and I am learning to do that, however, I think that I have a long way to go before I can fully let go and just be a parent to my son. Maybe it will never happen. I hope so, bt I know she will always be my first child, Caelin my second. Does that make me a bad person? Sometimes I wonder.

2 Corinthians 4:8-10

"We are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed"

Trusting in God Through a Job Loss

My husband has lost his job. Because I didn't have an income and will be going to school in the fall, we are now without any incoming money. What does this have to do with Christian parenting? Plenty.

How do you handle losing all the income in the home? You pray if you're smart. I know that It's been hard for us. My husband has actually been discriminated against for going to church on Sundays, and we are working on getting that fixed, however it works. But it's so hard to trust that we will be cared for, so hard to trust that God has the best at heart for us even now. Caelin is watching us, even at 11 months children are so impressionable. We want to teach him to love and believe that he will be cared for.

With no savings and still being in debt though, we're not sure where we will end up. We may end up going to a shelter and relying on God's people to provide for us. That is hard to contemplate. I don't want to think of not being able to provide for my baby, and my husband and I both suffer from some degree of pride. That is something we both need to work on, and maybe that is something that God will teach us through this experience.

2 Corinthians 4:8-10

"We are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed"

“Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will make you fishers of men.” this made me think...

Circumcision

“Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will make you fishers of men.”

A New Breed of Sociopaths

Scociopathic tendencies are on the rise, according to every newspaper and common reports on the street. More kids are stealing, more murders are being committed. People are reclusive and shy away from loving touch which used to be so common and welcome. Many people decry these as signs of "spoiling" at a young age, a sign that more parents need to hold their ground and spank their children. I see it as a sign of detatchment from our children.

Here is a link to a website that I have found to be an amazing resource for my own parenting, called The Natural Child Project.

http://www.naturalchild.com/james_kimmel/sociopathic_parenting.html

“Come, follow me,” Jesus said,
“and I will make you fishers of men.”

Sling I Created

Right now I am wearing (and taking orders for ;) ) a little creation I am working on based on the asian baby carriers. A peice of cloth in the center and four straps comong off of it. It's not COMPLETELY finished, and I am already changing things in the pattern to make it a bit more user-freindly, but Calin loves it and it's comfy for me. This version has a flannel inner layer which is white with purple roses and an outer layer of dark blue. the straps are all dark blue as well. It ties on, nothing else, and so it is highly adjustable. And we all know the benifits of holding our babies, right? Let's review: Babies who are held frequently:

1. are sick less


2. less fussy


3. more adventurous and secure as toddlers


4. learn to talk earlier


5. have a higher IQ


6. have a better bond with mom (or dad)


7. have enhaced communicatoin with their various caregivers


8. have enhanced physical and emotional developement.

“Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will make you fishers of men.”

Stop It Now

I found a good website that deals with all aspects of sexual abuse. It can help you if you have had sexual fantasies about children or if you know someone who abuses children, or if you are the abused person. The link to the site is here:

http://www.stopitnow.org/

“Come, follow me,” Jesus said,
“and I will make you fishers of men.”

Abusive Potty Training

I happened upon a website that I feel compelled to share. I wasn't aware of the horrible problems that potty traing can cause when there is punishment and ridicule involved, and I think that this is a good website for EVERYONE to check out.

http://net-burst.net/sex_abuse/toilet.htm

“Come, follow me,” Jesus said,
“and I will make you fishers of men.”

Self Nurturing

A huge part of being a christian parent is knowing how to parent yourself. Allowing yourself to be nutured and cared for is critical to being the type of mother who can effectivly respond to her family's needs. Though it is fast becoming a parenting cliche, it is very much like the familiar analogy of crashing in an airplane. The airmasks drop and the intercom says to put your own on first before your child's. The idea is that if you pass out while trying to put your child's mask on, they have no one to care for them and you are both lost.

Parenting is very similar in that your child needs your understanding and compassion more than almost anything. But if you feel as though you have no time for yourself and as though no one appericiates you for the things that you contribute, when your child needs your compassion, you will have none left to give to them. You could get very angry and frusterated with life in general and take it out on your child or husband, since they are the closest people to you, generally.

Make sure and take time out for yourself, even if it is only half an hour during naptime, or fifteen minutes before the kids wake up. Spend some time with the Lord and in your Bible, almost nothing is as refreshing. Go outside and breathe the air. Take your kids to the park and bring snacks for them and a book for you. Learn to knit or crochet. It's something you no longer need to feel guilty about, for it for the good of your family.

“Come, follow me,” Jesus said,
“and I will make you fishers of men.”

NameBoy.com

Hey! I have been looking into seriously starting a business, and as I have looked for names, I found this amazing site called nameboy.com.

Free Domain Name Appraisals from Nameboy

It will browse possible domain names for you and then appraise them for free! The appraisal is pretty in depth and explains to you how it all works! Check it out!

“Come, follow me,” Jesus said,
“and I will make you fishers of men.”

What Would Mary Do??

Many people have an idea that Biblical parenting involves switching your children. I could see how this could be a conception that people have, seeing the oft quoted Proverbs verses that admonish that to spare the rod is to hate your son. I am not going to discuss here what these Proverbs mean or even what the different veiwpoints are, for that is not the purpose of this post.





We are going to discuss a little about Jesus' own upbringing.





In Luke 2:41-52, we see Jesus going into Jerusalem with his family for the Passover. This was a common occurance and shows that his parents were devout in thier religion. At the end of the stay,

"and when the feast was ended, as they were returning, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem. His parents did not know it, but supposing him to be in the company they went a day's journey, and they sought him among their kinsfolk and acquaintances; and when they did not find him, they returned to Jerusalem, "

Josheph and Mary had no idea that Jesus had hung back at Jerusalem, so it's not like he asked to stay there.

they returned to Jerusalem, seeking him. After three days they found him in the temple, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions; and all who heard him were amazed at his understanding and his answers. And when they saw him they were astonished; and his mother said to him 'Son, why have you treated us so? Behold, your father and I have been looking for you anxiously.'

No yelling, no arguing, no beating or Dad brandishing his belt. Just "Why did you do this? We've been worried sick and you've been missing for 5 days!"

And he said to them, 'How is it that you sought me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father's house?' And they did not understand the saying which he spoke to them. And he went down with them and came to Nazareth, and was obedient to them; and his mother kept all these things in her heart. And Jesus increased in wisdom and in stature, and grew in favor with God and man."

Jesus, little 12 year old that He was, answered them back. He didn't get switched for it, evn though they didn't understand what he was saying. They didn't accuse Him of lying to them, even though his "father" had been searching for Him and the temple most certainly wasn't Joseph's house. They went home and life continued.

I think there is much to be gleaned from this passage in scripture. Parenting wise, Jesus wasn't hurt for something that many kids today would get spanked for. He didn't mean to do wrong, so it wasn't a sin. Many kids today don't mean to do wrong, but they are punished anyways. Why can't we just sit down and talk to them about the consequences of their actions, on them adn on everyone else? Breed compasion in our children when they are young, and they will be sensitive when they are older.

For a reference on what the Bible means when they talk of "the rod", http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/weblog/archives/2007/06/index.html#a000070

or this article http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/weblog/archives/2007/03/index.html#a000068

“Come, follow me,” Jesus said,
“and I will make you fishers of men.”

Attatchment Parenting, Natural Parenting

There are a large group of parents practicing a "new-fangled" parenting style called attatchment parenting. These parents believe that babies and children instintively know what they need. They hold the babies when the baby wants them too, they feed on cue. They believe that the baby knows what they need and that the parents will only spoil them by ignoring their needs.

I believe that this style of parenting has much going for it.

The act of contiuously holding and touching your infant increases their brain developement and causes them to bond strongly to you. The act of meeting their every need and desire (at least until they are toddlers) teaches them to have a trust and have faith that they will be cared for and that the world is a safe place for them. Co-sleeping ensures that they are cared for at night, and eliminates much of parent night-waking, if breastfeeding.

Really, it is much older than the now classic "cry it out parenting" where you train yourself to ignore your babies cries and smack them for evey misdeed.

“Come, follow me,” Jesus said,
“and I will make you fishers of men.”

The Importance of Gentle Birth

What is the importance of gentle birth? There may be no importance, it may be the most important instance in the world. At any rate, it's easy to decide.

1. Look at the stastisics. At least one in four births will be a C-section. That would look like this: a a a A a a a A a a a A a a a A a a a A The actual number of needed Cesareans is closer to five in one hundred.
2. The level of intervention in non-gentle childbirth is HUGE. Starting with simply limiting the food and water intake of the mother and forcing her to lay on her back.
3. Babies who are born into a harsh enviroment and separated from mom have lower apgar scores, more problems establishing nursing, and higher infant mortality rates.
4. Gentle birthing is easier on the mother.
5. It increases bonding and attatchment between parent and child.
6. Parents who are able to successfully bond with their children have much lower rates of child abuse than those who maybe didn't have the optimum bonding.

And which of us couldn't use all the loving bonding with our babies? Christ tells us to "Love one another, that your joy may be full". In my experience, natural gentle childbirth just facilitates a wonderful, beautiful loving feeling toward everyone around and your baby and husband, espessially.

“Come, follow me,” Jesus said,
“and I will make you fishers of men.”

Progression of Abuse

1. Abuse always starts inside the abusers head. They tell themselves things that cause them to look badly upon the child.
2. Abuse then goes into verbal mode. The abuser talks down to the abused and belittles them, degrades them. This could be yelling, or it could be anything else.
3. After this the abuser often moves into regular spanking.
4. Spankings become more violent as the child fails to respond or the adult finds new things to punish.
5. Soon it is out and out abusive, and the child is caught in a horrid mix of love-hate with thier own parent.
6. The child is murdered.

“Come, follow me,” Jesus said,
“and I will make you fishers of men.”

A Story of "Christain" Parenting

I have been reading about spanking and feel compelled to share my personal story with all who may be guided here. Please, do not take this as a "pity party", as I was so often accused of having as a child. And I pray you do not take it as a manual to condem my mother as a person. Or anyone's mother or father. Our parents are people, and most of them really do love, it is usually in their own childhood that the seeds of abuse can be found. God will judge us all, Himself. Please don't take it upon yourself to do so. Mathew 7:1 says, "Judge not, lest ye be judged". That said....

When I was very young, my mom made some mistakes. I don't personally remember them, but I do remember visiting her in jail, and later going to live with her in a home for addicted mothers. In the interm, I lived with my Grandparents, who I have good memories of. At some point, I was sexually abused. I don't remember it, although I wish that I could, to put some closure on it. I wish I knew who did it, and when. I have sporadic memories, and more than one therapist has told me that I block memories as a defence mechanism.

When my brother and I finally got to go live with our mom, she was straightening her life out. She got into colledge, and had her own apartment. I can't rememeber much, but I do remember running away alot. I was later told that I started doing this even younger, like around 2 or 3. I never thought anything of it, until I got older and realized normal kids don't run away, and one foster parent told me, "kids are running from something". Everytime I ran away I got whipped with the belt. I remember being hit with a spoon because I had been bad.

My mom got together with a man who was very "christian", extemely devout, and demanding that we be "good children".

I remember being tickled by my stepdad (who I had to call "dad") to the point of exhaustion. I had been crying and crying, and only wanted for him to stop. It's the only time I remember it happening, but my brother has mentioned that he did it "all the time", and that my brother was angry because he thought I was being tickled in "wrong places". I don't remember this, but my mom also later said that she thinks he was grooming me up for sex, and SOMEBODY abused me. (However, it would be wrong to asume this man was it).

I was homeschooled from second grade on to eighth. I think homeschooling is awsome, and plan to do it with my own children. But I had to do a certain number of pages a day, if I didn't finish, I didn't eat. If I got caught drawing on my pages I got whipped. I love to draw, so I began Drawing underneath y matteress (this was eventually discovered and led to more beatings). If my brother and I talked at all during "school hours", we got beat. I had alot of chores, and we got up at 6 every morning to begin our routine. I washed dishes every day, three times a day. If one dish had a speck, I had to rewash the entire load. I swept the floor until nary a speck came up. If my room wasn't clean, my mom would go through the entire thing, and anything not "put away" was immediatly thrown out.

These are just a small sampling of practices. My mom would tell the offending party to "go to the room". I would get sick immeadiatly and begin crying. She would leave me back there until I calmed down, at least externally. Then she would come back and tell me to get undressed, and "lay down" on the bed. I was whipped with a belt or with this white rod that I remember was very thin and caused my skin to welt and bleed. If I jumped or cried, I got whipped more, usually 10 swats per move. I was routinly beaten until I no longer made any noise. Eventually in the course of a through whipping, you no longer feel any pain. You are just tired, and sore. Then I was allowed to get up and go back to the kitchen to finish my studies. I couldn't sit right, but I had to, otherwise I was bound for another round. Meanwhile, it was my brother's turn. Now the punishment really began. I could hear each swat, each scream. My own freshly beaten skin was aching, and if it went the other way, with him first? Then my already tender skin cried out and my stomache was tied in knots thinking about what was to come. Baths were excrutiating, and half the time I wasn't fed because I didn't do everything perfectly.

All of the things I have read about what Dobson and others like him endorse is exactly what I endured as a child. Ridicule, shame, and the assumption that if you are not perfect, you're nothing, has followed me to this day. The beatings, everything.

I acted out in many ways. I tortured my siblings. I beat the dogs into submission, my brother chased me with knives and we both ran away repeatedly. I was anti social, and am still panicky in social situations. Being tickled makes me angry and I want to kill. My stepdad's name makes me literally naseated, and authority figures make me want to roll over and piddle my pants. I rebell against cleaning, and spent three years in therapy for a packrat tendency, literally crying over the loss of a scrap of paper. I used drugs and have sought unhealthy relasionships. I have an all-or-nothing mentality, and I suffer from periodic deppression and constant PTSD. I have irritable bowels and for along time I acted out against the Lord because of my stepdad's relijious affiliation. I thought God was like that.

I gave up my daughter for a variety of reasons, one of them being that I was afraid someday I would abuse her and there would be no one to stop me. I didn't want the same thing for her.

Now I still suffer from the abuse, but am older and have decided to make my own decisions, not allow my past to rule me. My husband (who comes from a very neglectful/abused childhood) and I have a plan that if either one notices unsafe behavior, they will take the children and leave the offending partner until help is gotten and therapy is used to address whatever issue it is. WE have agreed to believe our children over eachother, as it is the only way to protect a child from an abusive parent. WE have agreed that we will have a nonviolent home and a safe discipline plan for our babies.

I have shared this story with you not because I need sympathy, For I am on the road to healing.
Not because I think my abusers wanted to hurt me, For I think they were trying to follow the "christian" authors and give me a good life
Nor yet because I am angry and want to punish my mom, I think I am beyond that now.

I wrote this to spread the word that these parenting techniques are bogus. They will hurt your babies for life. Please, spare your children.

“Come, follow me,” Jesus said,
“and I will make you fishers of men.”

Resources

Here are a few of the internet sites that I have been particularily blessed to find...for your own enjoyment!

1. Forever Families
2. Gentle Christian Mothers
3. Stop the Rod
4. Parenting in Jesus Footsteps

There are more sites, but these are the best, so far. Please, Please read them, but in particular scour the last one, it is by far the most important of the three.

“Come, follow me,” Jesus said,
“and I will make you fishers of men.”

Handling Stressful Situations

There are times we will be put into stressful situations. Sometimes our children will be present, other times they will not. How do you respond when these things happen? How we react can mean all the difference in how people respond to you.
If you get angry and throw a temper tantrum, you will only put everyone else on the defensive and scare them. Your children will be scared and lose a littl trust in you every time it happens.
You could get emotional and start blubbering all over the place. Your waterworks (whether intended or not) are more likely to cause disrespect and even embarrassment on everyone's part. Your child will worry and not know what to do, and may even try to parent and comfort you.
Some people shut down, some people Put up a wall of immobility.

And yet others are just gifted (or have done their homework) and have the spirit of trainability. They sit or stand, open, eyebrows up just enough, and have the look of total attention. They indicate a willingness to learn more and demonstrate a sense of equality and even, common footing by looking others in the eye and standing tall and straight.

I am not one of those people, but there is hope for you and I. We can work on this thing together. we can beat it. Our children are looking up to us. Our reputations are at stake.

“Come, follow me,” Jesus said,
“and I will make you fishers of men.”

Gentle Parenting

I have stuggled with the whole Parenting issue. I never had much of what you would call "positive role modeling" and so when it comes to so many things to do with children, I feel at a loss as to what needs to happen. I have read some "Christian" parenting books that ascribe to the thought that your child is manipulative and out to get away with things, and that it's bad, right from the beginning. This makes me slightly ill. I think that children are inherently selfish. They have to be. It is right and good for them to be this way. If they aren't taken care of, they will die. I think that when a parent denies their child the very basic human stuff of life, like food, it can cause some serious issues. I also believe that babies are naturally highly intelligent. A child's brain is 75% developed by the ripe old age of two. So when someone tells me that a baby doesn't know why it's crying, or even where the sound is coming from, I want to shake them. The only thing a baby doesn't know is how to verbalize and communicate other than by crying.

I have found that's it's relatively easy to teach a child not to cry unless something is wrong. You hold them as newborns. You rock them and feed them and you stay with them all the time and answer their every cry. Before they cry, even. Pretty soon, they learn that they can trust you. You're not going to run away and you are going to care for them. soon, they don't cry anymore. they learn nicer noises, grunts and whines and coos that tell you what is going on. I have found this to be true with both of my children, and they have just about opposite personalities.

I think that the way to successful parenting is in the example. If you want to have violent children, you hit them,let others hit them anach them hit back. You don't teach them to control their wild outbursts. If you want loving, kind children who always see the good, you handle them gently but firmly, you don't allow anyone to hurt them, and you teach them (by example) to give of themselves, expecting no reward.

As one nice little sign I have says:

If a child lives with critsism, He learns to condemn
If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy
If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty
If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient
If a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidance
If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate
If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith
If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself
If a child lives with acceptance and freindship, he learns to find love in the world.

“Come, follow me,” Jesus said,
“and I will make you fishers of men.”

A Bit About Me

Hi there! My name is Shara and I am writing a little bog about my parenting. I was born the first child of a young girl, and was soon followed by many more. Between my two parents there are nine children, with my mom having seven of those. My childhood was pretty crazy, and I longed for a "normal" life. Now, however, I am not sorry as much, because I know that God will use my past to carve out a better future.

As of these reacent times, I gave birth to my first child, Rebecca, when I was seventeen. As a foster child myself, immediatly a case was opened on her, as well, although she stayed in my care. I breastfed and practiced attatchment parenting with her for 17 1/2 months, when due to alot of things I still don't really understand, she was removed from my care and taken across the state. Instead of pulling my head out and getting her back, I was thrown into a deep depression and began to use drugs. I convinced myself that she would be in danger with me, due to my own childhood, and when I saw her and she called her foster parents "Mama" and all that, I decided that it would be wrong of me to take her from another family. I signed my rights to her over under the condition that she stay where she was and be adopted by them.

I have now been clean for 13 months and live everyday with the choice I made to let her go. Maybe it is better for her. But I ache. I have also had a little boy. He is now 10 months old, to his sister's 3 1/2. I have found the Lord and now live to correct my life and overcome my hurts, habits, and hangups that could drag me down and give others the wrong idea about Christ.