Gentle Parenting

I have stuggled with the whole Parenting issue. I never had much of what you would call "positive role modeling" and so when it comes to so many things to do with children, I feel at a loss as to what needs to happen. I have read some "Christian" parenting books that ascribe to the thought that your child is manipulative and out to get away with things, and that it's bad, right from the beginning. This makes me slightly ill. I think that children are inherently selfish. They have to be. It is right and good for them to be this way. If they aren't taken care of, they will die. I think that when a parent denies their child the very basic human stuff of life, like food, it can cause some serious issues. I also believe that babies are naturally highly intelligent. A child's brain is 75% developed by the ripe old age of two. So when someone tells me that a baby doesn't know why it's crying, or even where the sound is coming from, I want to shake them. The only thing a baby doesn't know is how to verbalize and communicate other than by crying.

I have found that's it's relatively easy to teach a child not to cry unless something is wrong. You hold them as newborns. You rock them and feed them and you stay with them all the time and answer their every cry. Before they cry, even. Pretty soon, they learn that they can trust you. You're not going to run away and you are going to care for them. soon, they don't cry anymore. they learn nicer noises, grunts and whines and coos that tell you what is going on. I have found this to be true with both of my children, and they have just about opposite personalities.

I think that the way to successful parenting is in the example. If you want to have violent children, you hit them,let others hit them anach them hit back. You don't teach them to control their wild outbursts. If you want loving, kind children who always see the good, you handle them gently but firmly, you don't allow anyone to hurt them, and you teach them (by example) to give of themselves, expecting no reward.

As one nice little sign I have says:

If a child lives with critsism, He learns to condemn
If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy
If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty
If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient
If a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidance
If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate
If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith
If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself
If a child lives with acceptance and freindship, he learns to find love in the world.

“Come, follow me,” Jesus said,
“and I will make you fishers of men.”

A Bit About Me

Hi there! My name is Shara and I am writing a little bog about my parenting. I was born the first child of a young girl, and was soon followed by many more. Between my two parents there are nine children, with my mom having seven of those. My childhood was pretty crazy, and I longed for a "normal" life. Now, however, I am not sorry as much, because I know that God will use my past to carve out a better future.

As of these reacent times, I gave birth to my first child, Rebecca, when I was seventeen. As a foster child myself, immediatly a case was opened on her, as well, although she stayed in my care. I breastfed and practiced attatchment parenting with her for 17 1/2 months, when due to alot of things I still don't really understand, she was removed from my care and taken across the state. Instead of pulling my head out and getting her back, I was thrown into a deep depression and began to use drugs. I convinced myself that she would be in danger with me, due to my own childhood, and when I saw her and she called her foster parents "Mama" and all that, I decided that it would be wrong of me to take her from another family. I signed my rights to her over under the condition that she stay where she was and be adopted by them.

I have now been clean for 13 months and live everyday with the choice I made to let her go. Maybe it is better for her. But I ache. I have also had a little boy. He is now 10 months old, to his sister's 3 1/2. I have found the Lord and now live to correct my life and overcome my hurts, habits, and hangups that could drag me down and give others the wrong idea about Christ.